my thoughts on being in my early twenties

      I am aware that I am in my VERY early twenties right now, twenty-one actually...ok twenty-one and a half, so I'm hardly an expert on the subjects. But, maybe because I've been reading a lot of articles on Thought Catalog recently or maybe because warm weather makes me feel pensive, but I've been thinking a lot about my stage of life right now, and I've come to the conclusion that your early twenties are just a weird time of life. And don't get me wrong, I don't mean weird in a bad way....just in a weird way. It pains me a little to do this, but I'm about to quote Taylor Swift in a blog post where I am trying to be kind of serious, but it's true, we are "happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. It's miserable and magical."
     I don't think I'm alone here when I say that there is a lot of confliction in the life of an early-twenty-something. You are making major life decisions and expected to act like an adult, but you still feel like a little kid most of the time; you aren't worried enough about important decisions like what you are going to do with the rest of your life, but you are really concerned with the number of likes on your most recent instagram post; you are in a state of nomadism so nothing is ever permanent; you want the comfort of a relationship, but the freedom of singleness; your mind changes constantly about what you think you want; some nights everyone you have ever met will want to hang out with you and other nights you will sit on the couch watching old episodes of Gossip Girl hoping that someone will text you, cause everything always happens on one night and no social events ever spread themselves out properly; you feel this weird mixture of being very social and exciting and being really lonely and boring; at 4 p.m. in the middle of your class you are pretty positive that you have never been this tired in your entire life, but when 12 a.m. rolls around and you think it would be smart to go to bed, you have never had so much energy, and so on and so on....ok, so I think you get what I am saying. Everything is a little out of whack. But, I guess this is what makes being in your early twenties that awesome mix of "miserable and magical."
     I seriously feel like a constant jumble of crazy, but really in the best way possible. I have been really trying to learn to enjoy everything not being perfect, which is somewhat hard for someone who is very controlling. When I was young, people in their twenties seemed so old and so responsible. Now that I am in my twenties, I realize that we are not. We are confused, excited, anxious, impatient, happy, free, and really just trying to figure it all out. And, my guess is that whatever the next stage of life is really won't be much different, I'm not sure if life ever completely sorts itself out....but, thank goodness that in my early twenties I have decided the answer to most of my problems is Diet Coke...so thank goodness for the early twenties metabolism too. I'm not gunna trade that for anything.

peace. love. and twenties.

my day of silence

     Usually at one point every year, I lose my voice. Unfortunately, and I suppose fortunately a little bit too as I discovered this happened this week. After catching a cold, my voice had been on the downhill. I figured that I could let my voice rest before I totally lost it, or wear it out until it wouldn’t work at all. Being the talker that I am, and figuring that I would rather rest my voice only when I had to, I wore it completely out. Like, couldn’t get a sound out when I woke up Thursday morning wore it out. I made a little “I lost my voice, so I can’t speak sign” and decided that not using my voice wouldn’t stop me from communicating that day.

 I tried this out starting at lunch time. The children reacted with

            a. disbelief and begging me to talk
            b. thinking this was hilarious
            c. being deeply concerned

     I first tried communicating with mime, after realizing that either I am very bad at charades or everyone else is really bad at guessing, I attempted writing things down. But, this takes a lot of wasteful paper. This is when I moved onto just typing messages onto my iPhone and sowing them to people. The kids loved this, and it was probably great for them to practice a little reading comprehension. I had fun typing them out messages, and then having to show it to each boy individually if he had heard the question or not, they needed to see what the answer was.
     Later that day when I was helping take names for some dentist check-ups, one of the girls Sonia (a 10^th standard girl who is an absolute gem) saw my “can’t speak” note, and took it from me right away. When she handed it back she had written “We will be praying for you to get your voice back! Feel better.” I thought that was so incredibly sweet of her and I am sure her prayers were part of restoring my voice.


     As I spent my time in silence on Thursday, I had a lot of time to think about how amazing communication is. Not only do we have language which is incredible on its own, but there is so much more to the way that we communicate with each other than just through words. There is facial expression, body language, touch, eyes, everything about the way we act communicates how we feel and react. I hear so many volunteers come to India and express their extreme frustration with being unable to speak the same language as the people. Certainly, I feel this same frustration at times too, but I also see it as exciting. Too often we rely on words to express how we feel, when our actions can say so much more. We seek some sort of verbal confirmation that we are on the right track or to know that we are on the same wavelength as our neighbors, when if we would pay attention to what the others around us are doing and how they are reacting we would know. It was, in a way, a gift that I was unable to speak on Thursday. God works in interesting ways, and I think that this was his way of giving me a small glimpse of how sometimes if I pay less attention to what I am saying and what others are saying to me, and more to what I am doing and what others actions are in return, I could learn so much more and probably speak (you know, when I have a voice) with much more wisdom. 

As a treat for reading through my ramblings, here are some pictures from Sharmyla's wedding. I was blessed to work with and become very close with Sharmyla when she working at Rising Star, and I was honored to be given a personal invitation to her wedding and get to see her again. I bought a new sari just for the occasion.

The ceremony was lovely and Sharmyla looked SO PRETTY. As soon as I walked into the reception Sharmyla and I both gave each other the biggest smiles ever. We were always cracking each other up when we were working together, so it is no surprise when I got to go have my picture taken with the bride that it took extra long because we had to try and keep ourselves from laughing so we could hold a pose for long enough. I am so blessed to call her a friend. I loved getting to dress up for the occasion and going out for the night to enjoy such an exciting cultural event. 

peace. love. and silence.