my positive energy

I've talked before on my blog about positive and negative energies, how I think that they effect us, and how I believe that we control how much positive and negative energy we allow into our lives. But, something that I have been coming to accept recently, ok always/my entire life, is that I can't control everything, and I really wish I could. I am very controlling, and if I could control every minute detail of my life, I would be so down with that. But, I can't. I can't control what the people around me do, or how they feel about me, or what choices they make. I can't control everything that happens throughout my day, and I can't always control when things don't go the way that I want them to. This is something that is sometimes HARD for me to accept. So pretty much what I am saying is that no matter what I do there is going to be negative energy in my life, and I can't stop that from happening as much as I want to sometimes. What I do always have control over is the positive energy in my life.

I'm kind of caught in a weird position right now where I have no idea where my life is headed. As one of my friends described it, my life is one huge question mark right now. I don't know when or where I am going to find a job, and let's be honest I don't even really know how to find the right job or how I want to be spending the next few years of my life (and yes, as a controlling person, this is driving me crazy). So even though right now I can't control the negative energy in my life, I can control the positive energy, and my goal recently has been to infuse my life with as much positive energy as possible. This has led me to make trips to the temple, go on hiking excursions, find a yoga studio, bake lots of yummy treats (dear roommates, I'm sorry that I'm trying fatten you up), and lots of other things that just make me mentally, physically, spiritually healthy and happy.

Below are a few pics from some adventures I have taken to Antelope Island and up Provo Canyon...

My life recently has been all about finding balance. I know that I am never going to have everything figured out. I accepted a long time ago that that is a complete myth and nobody has their life figured out no matter how much it seems like anyone has their shiz together. But, even if everything is confusing, and I have no idea what I am doing, at least I'm trying my best to fill my life with positive energy so that maybe I can be a positive energy in other people's lives too.

peace. love. and energy

my positive outlook

     I've been really happy the past few weeks. Really happy. Maybe it's all the free time I've had to hang out, the joy of a new job, or quite possibly all the sunshine I've been getting. But, really I think what's most important is that I have been looking up lately, and I have been trying to see the best in everything and everyone. This is something that I have been really working on for a long time now. A really long time.
     Few people know how difficult my junior year was for me. I started my fall semester depressed after leaving India and wanting to be absolutely nowhere in the world except for Thottonoval Village with the kids of Rising Star. It was physically painful how much I missed India. It got easier after time, like all things do, but I still felt like a fish out of water after being away from BYU for 9 months (since I had spent my winter semester on a study abroad). So much had happened without me. I had changed, everyone I knew had changed, and I felt like I was constantly playing catch-up, and all sorts of negatives felt like they were being hurled at me at once. I started to feel a little more normal with the help of some of my close friends, but it all fell apart for me again when my best friend Kari left on a mission. It's been difficult to not be able to tell her everything all the time and instead having to rely on the incredibly slow Costa Rican postal service and emails to let us get in touch. But, at one point in winter semester I realized that I had to stop being sad. I had to stop carrying around a negative energy with me and be positive.
     As I have tried to emit a positive energy myself, I have started to become more aware of the other energies that people give off. I don't mean this is some sort of obscure holistic way, just that we all give off a mood weather sad, happy, apathetic, excited, or whatever you may be feeling, this is the energy that you are emitting, and your energy effects other people almost as much as it effects you. This is why I am trying so hard to be positive. Because if I see the best, I will feel my best, and hopefully my energy that I give off will help others feel their best too. It's still ok for me to be sad sometimes, for me to miss my best friends that are gone for the summer and on their missions, and it's ok for me to send my heart away on my wished for journeys around the world even if my body is here in Provo for the summer.
     We are told so often that happiness is a choice, but how often do we let ourselves choose it? On the best days when there is a lot of positive energy to absorb it's pretty easy to give off a little yourself, but on the worst days you just have to look for the little things that can remind you everything is ok. If only you will grab hold of the positive outlook on life and maybe be just a little brighter. Emit the happiest energy you can today. Allow yourself to absorb all the positivity of your divine and infinite potential, and let it make you happy too.

here is me at my peek positive energy potential. 

driving around, windows down, music playing. oh the joys of spring time.

peace. love. and happy.